You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
