I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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