Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
