so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
