I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
