Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
