He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
