i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
