You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
