he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
