I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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