You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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