You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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