he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
