She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
