I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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