I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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