are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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