It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Randomize
