And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
