I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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