Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
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