I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I will be naked everywhere
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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