Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
