Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
