she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
