just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
