Kareoke will never be a sober sport
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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