you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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