You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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