I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
