Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
