he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
