I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
