That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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