peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
