My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
dude. I can hear the air.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
