Where is the hickey?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
i think my cat just said my name.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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