Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
