I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
