i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
