shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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