this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
