i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
