and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
