Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
