I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
