Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
is that a dick in a sweater?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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