my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
