I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
